MOM - Job Description

Uh oh. Found some mom-propoganda in my inbox. Plus one of those annoying articles about how a mom/housewife should be paid $120k per year. Yikes! :)

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION TITLE:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Mother’s Day Aftermath

Mother’s Day was fine in the BadDadstead. I let Awesome Mom sleep until 7:00am, then allowed an hour for celebration. I even baked brownies. Then it was back to work. Unfortunately she only washed seven loads yesterday. That’s what I get for being nice.

She got the full queen treatment:

• Greeting card - $3
• Flowers - Pulled them out of the garbage (yes, they were fresh enough)
• Breakfast at her favorite restaurant - $36
• LEGO Star Wars Jabba’s Sail Barge– $75
• I baked chewy brownies - $1.29

No joke, Awesome Mom wanted a LEGO set. Even the boys came to me several times in past weeks. But it’s so friggin cool, who couldn’t resist bringing this thing into the homestead:

You really can’t go wrong with Star Wars Lego

By the way, have I mentioned lately how stupid greeting cards can be? Here’s the best I could find this year:

How is a mom like you different from a light bulb?
You could never be replaced.

Groan. These cards get worse and worse.

One of my guys asked me yesterday what I wanted for Father’s Day? I was about to suggest the LEGO Star Wars Imperial Star Destroyer
…but I told him a hug would be best.

Healthy Eyes For Adults

We dads spend a lot of time taking care of others (family, clients, co-workers, friends, neighbors) but often neglect ourselves. I’m here to remind you that taking care of your eyes is just as important as taking care of the rest of you.

I suggest you checkout Episode 100 of The Mac Review Cast

They discuss eye conditions, eye strain caused by staring at computer screens for long periods of time, the pros/cons of using a desktop vs. laptop computer, eye glasses vs. contact lenses, Operating System magnification options and more.

It starts about 13 minutes into the episode. Of course, if you are a Mac user, listen to the whole podcast. There’s lot’s of good info each week.

I hope you find this useful.

-BD

Happy Mothers Day

Thank you to all the Wonder Women out there.

All the world is waiting for you,
and the power you possess.
In your satin tights,
fighting for your rights,
and the old red, white and blue.

Chorus: Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman

MP3 file: Play it. Sing it. Shout it.

BD-013 - We’re Lines on a Spreadsheet

While celebrating a collegue’s new job, a beloved collegue loses hers. BD reflects on our roles as disposable assets in the eyes of corporate America.

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Vinny from the Digital Father Podcast and Roland from the Bad Dad Podcast proudly present The Daddy Dialogues. Candid Conversations about being a father, a husband, and a man.

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Please, Don’t Shake Your Booty

This is why I don’t dance when Awesome Mom asks me:

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