Boy Glues Hand To Stay Home From School

Per BBC.co.uk: A Mexican boy glued his hand to his bed because he did not want to go back to school after the Christmas break. Read more

Christmas Tree Lights

One of my 8yr olds had been asking me for months to decorate the house exterior lights for Christmas. I respectfully declined and dodged the bullet repeatedly.

Truth is, last year I attempted to cover a tree with lights. Nearly broke a leg and vowed “frig this!”

So while my creativity and enthusiasm for house decorating is a zero on the scale, here’s someone makes me feel even more inadequate. Enjoy!

Track Big Red Tonight Using NORAD’s Santa Tracker

Be sure to surf by NORAD Tracks Santa tonight with the kids before bedtime.

In past years, they posted little videos tracking Santa from around the world. Read about their history.

Merry Christmas!

Picking Your Battles

I’m staring at my living room wall and notice little brown things sticking to the wall about four feet off the ground. Upon closer examination I realize it’s nose pickings.

I knew the culprit — four year old ‘Howling Mad Murdock.’ — who finds it funny to wipe his nose on my shirt during daily hit-and-run attacks to punch me in the stomach.

So I confront the perpetrator:

Me [Sternly]: “Did you wipe your nose on this wall!”

Howling Mad [Enthusiastically with a glowing smile]: Yeah!

I was prepared to scold. But his response just reduced me to a mild “please don’t do it again.” The older brothers spend so much time denying or blaming others for their bad behavior, so I was tensed up expecting an argument … with a four year old … about boogers.

Remember, it’s all about picking your battles.

Cardboard Boxes Still #1 Toy In Our House

My kids are enamored with empty cardboard boxes. Large ones usually end up in the driveway for an afternoon of spaceship flights. Most of the time my wife squirrels the smaller ones away to the garage for me to do my manly disposal duty.

Yesterday, I left an empty 4′x2′x2′ Amazon.com box in the hall. My six and four year olds, ‘Colonel Smith’ and ‘Howling Mad Murdock’ respectively, ran up to me asking what it was for? I said, “Well, we’re going to ship your older brother to Alaska when he gets home from school.”

The young ones were giggly and enthusiastic about that. In fact, they kept pestering me the rest of the afternoon: “When are we sending ‘B.A.’ to Alaska?”

The back story is B.A. tends to be very loud and obnoxious to his younger brothers and occasionally steals candy from them. Other times, he’s sensitive and kind. At the moment, B.A. was actually being a good guy and keeping his Bad Attitude in check. Twin brother Face man was actually the one being a trouble maker. So I kept delaying with excuses like after B.A.’s homework was done, then after dinner, then after his shower.

Meanwhile, the Colonel and Murdock kept hauling that box up the stairs to their bedroom, back down stairs, and back up again — all afternoon — giggling all the way.

Before bedtime, we invited B.A. into his ‘private video game playing room’ (box) and he agreed and played along with our brief joke. He was good spirited about the whole thing.

In the end, B.A. got a reprieve. Sadly, there are many times I thought about how nice it could be for the rest of the family if we could send B.A. away. The junior members of the A-Team really enjoyed the idea of sending B.A. away. Although that was a joke, it’s kind of sad. In hindsight, it makes me feel bad. I’m an ass.

Related Link:
Replace your toys with cardboard boxes

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah!

Virgin Mobile’s 2004 Chrismahanukwanzakah commercial:

It’s okay if you’re a Muslim, a Christian or a Jew,
It’s okay if you’re agnostic and you don’t know what to do,
An all-inclusive celebration,
No contractual obligation,
Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you (and pagans too!)

In some ways we’re all monkeys,
Well, maybe just a smidgen,
I’m a Scientologist,
That’s kind of a religion,

Whose faith is the right one,
It’s anybody’s guess,
What matters most is camera phones for $20 less.

And there’s never any hidden fees,
Oh what a joyous day,
No commitments means I’m proud to go both ways!

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you,
This is gonna be the best Chrismahanukwanzakah ever!

Scored at the Holiday Party

I attended our company party yesterday. Same restaurant as last year. Much more sedate this time around.

We used to do Secret Santa. I flippin hate that. But the last two years someone livened it up and made it more like the first Chrismas Party episode of NBC’s The Office. Everyone brings a $20 gift, stands around, and responds to random questions that cause you to exchange gifts.

Last year the two gifts most folks kept trading for were bottles of wine. When the dust settles, I scored a travel thermos. (But I do use it!)

So this year I surfed over to watch Gary Vanerchuk at WineLibrary TV to help me select a decent wine under $20 to contribute. Then used my man-skills to decorate the bottles with ribbons. My strategy was to keep trading to get it back.

At the gift exchange, the questions range from sublime to near scandalous. But now I know who has body piercings, been arrested, had one night stands and wears a thong to work. I’ll file that info away in my PDA for future reference.

Gift cards, rum, teas and powdered chocolate all passed around me. There were a few tense moments as a black heavily sequined messenger bag got too close for comfort. But when all was done, I scored a DVD 3-pack of Groundhog Day/Ghostbusters/Stripes. Freakin’ sweet! And “that’s a fact, jack!”

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